Hello! I’m back from the grave to once again kill the mood (one of my favorite party tricks). So where have I been? What am I bitching into the void about today? You’re going to have to click the link to find out.
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We’re likely all familiar with the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. They don’t always happen in that order or so neatly delineated, and we don’t just experience them after a death. The end of a relationship can trigger them as well - and this EP that I’ve been dripping out one song at a time touches on many of those experiences; “Don’t Wanna Feel” is about denial and depression (and includes a little bargaining), “Muscle Memory” touches on acceptance, and “Moth Wings” dips its toes into depression… “The Commandment” speaks to anger and acceptance which combine to become righteous rage.
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If you’ve been following along with all my single releases and accompanying essays over the last several months, first let me thank you for taking this journey with me and for taking the time listen and read. Secondly, you may have noticed the threads I’m trying to weave together with the songs and artwork. With the upcoming release of Muscle Memory, it finally feels like enough of the pieces are fitting together that you can get a sense of the whole picture.
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Performing as a singer-songwriter often means I share my most personal moments with a crowd of strangers, whether that’s through a song or stage banter. Don’t get me wrong, I fictionalize plenty (never let the truth get in the way of a good story, as they say in the writer’s rooms of Nashville), but there’s a thread of truth in every lyric. Over the years, I’ve found the songs that feel the most personal, the most like I’ve poured my soul directly onto the page, tend to be the ones that go over like a lead balloon on stage. Moth Wings is the exception that proves the rule.
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Don’t Wanna Feel is out in the world and I was lucky enough to have it premiered by the Universal Music Collective! Read the full premiere at the link below and explore the rest of UMC while you’re there. They do an amazing job discovering, sharing, and supporting independent music.
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With my new single Don’t Wanna Feel coming out July 31st (although it’s available RIGHT NOW on Patreon), I thought I might share a little of the story behind the song. It’s one of my favorite compositions on the EP, both because of how much more harmonically complicated it is than a lot of what I write and how fun it’s been to perform live.
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It’s finally time to release the first single off my upcoming EP, Force of Nature, and let’s just say it’s been an interesting process. But that’s alright. I want to make the biggest impact I can with my music, but I’m really in it for the art and this is some of the best art I’ve ever made.
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I often feel like for my creativity to mean something, it has to be channeled the “right” way. It must be directed into songwriting or album art or a merch print. But it doesn’t. It brings me as much joy at the moment to experiment with a new recipe as it does to work on album art, and I’m down for anything that can bring joy into my life right now. Creativity is everywhere and the energy that drives it isn’t always going to be a song or a perfect painting. Sometimes the simpler, more practical applications of creativity are what you need.
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To describe the current state of things as “high weird” would be both an understatement and too flippant, but I don’t really know how else to explain it. I don’t want to be dire, but from what medical professionals and public health experts are saying, it’s most likely going to get worse before it gets better. The best thing most of us can do is try to stay home as much as possible. Many of us suddenly have way more free time on our hands and I can tell you how easy it is to fill that time with worry and speculation. But, seeing as I wound up living the quarantine life a bit earlier than much of America, I can share with you how I've filled/am filling my time and hopefully give you some inspiration for what to do with the lonely hours.
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Every religion has a creation myth. Narrative is part of the human communication starter pack; it’s as essential to how we understand each other and the world as language and as universal as music and art. Why am I waxing poetic about story? Because I’m trying to write one that bridges the gap between different kind of media, platforms, and people. An album release is nothing if not a creation myth.
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As arbitrary a date as January 1st is, it’s hard not to feel the significance of a new year. While I don’t have as specific plans or resolutions as I did last year (and those lasted for like 2.5 months so it might be for the best), I do have a few big goals and events coming up. Hopefully, sharing them with you will help keep me accountable to them - feel free to share yours in return if you need an internet accountability buddy!
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The word “print” has been on my mind lately. To print means to make an impression. I’ve been exploring printing these last two months through screen printing and digital recording and, man, does it shine a harsh light on my indecisiveness.
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Who doesn’t love a good cover song? Those tried-and-true, well-known pop tunes have the magical ability to transform a room full of strangers into a choir or a dance troop. Over the last few months, I’ve been lucky to get to play my own music almost exclusively. It’s fun, but it doesn’t give me much of an opportunity to create that magical experience. So I’m building a repertoire and I’m asking for your help doing it!
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Listen, September has been a slow month for me. It’s been a lot of figuring out where my life is going, what I need more or less of, and just being very tired a lot of the time. At points my anxiety and frustration have peaked, and I’ve had this overwhelming creative energy with no clue how to direct it. So I’ve looked for small moments of joy to hold me together this month. This sandwich is one of them.
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Half a decade ago, I wrote a blog post about the Uncanny Valley of songwriting that triggered a special kind of rage which compelled me to write several thousand words. Recently, the same spidey-sense that inspired that essay was triggered again, but now I’m older and wiser and our culture has better language to explain why it bothers me so much.
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Making music can feel like a sacred act. Whether Pagan, Christian, or atheist, many of us feel a deep, spiritual catharsis when creating music. Even writers who don’t ascribe to any particular faith have expressed a sense that they are channeling the songs they write from something outside themselves rather than creating them independently.
Writing is low magic: it’s instinctual and earthy and raw; the spell is improvisatory and unpretentious. Recording is high magic: there is ritual and formality; the wiring and carefully labeled inputs are a magical array charging the space; the intention is firmly set and - although there is lots of room for adaptation - there is prewritten script that must be breathed to life.
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Well, sometimes change is hard. And not all change is good (climate change, changes to laws to prevent people with female bodies from receiving healthcare, most of the changes that Tennessee is making to it’s laws at the moment, etc.) but - on a personal level - change has been good for me this month.
Two big things that are happening/have happened in June: I’m moving to a house as opposed to the lovely but little condo I live in now and I had my first round of recording for a new project that will release early next year.
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I drove approximately 3,200 miles in a week and a half and I loved it. In two separate trips, I drove to New Brunswick, NJ and back and then to Triangle, VA and back. Both shows were incredible, but the drive to New Jersey was particularly special.
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A painting is usually a single moment in time, the image that glows behind your eyelids mid blink. So how do you combine a static painting with the very much time-based medium of music?
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That random decision to see what would happen if I threw my camera into time lapse mode was an exciting lightbulb moment. Setting my time lapses to music was my next big lightbulb. And now, well… I’m not quite ready to share the next evolution of this legendary Pokémon, but suffice to say supplies have been ordered and plans have been made.
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