Creativity In Lockdown

One of the 37 paintings I’ve done in the last month.

I’m not going to lie, I’ve felt like doing nothing for the last several weeks. Part of it is how sick I’ve been (it’s only in the last week that I’m really starting to feel like myself again), but part of it is just falling backwards into the uncertainty of the world around me and refusing to make plans. I admire the folks that have used this time for self-improvement, but I don’t think I’ll look back in regret at having taken some extra time to play video games this past month.

Especially living with someone who was already working from home and who’s life was largely unaffected by the current situation, I do have the occasional tinge of guilt for how relaxed I’ve been. But just a tinge. There’s two things that have kept me from wallowing in my ex-Catholic guilt too hard.

First; I’ve accepted that there was a certain amount of laying around that I would have had to do regardless of how motivated or unmotivated I may have felt. It’s easy to forget now that I’m feeling better that it was only a week ago that I was catching my breath between sentences. Take it from me, recovering is hard work and if you do get sick, indulge yourself in taking it easy. Trying to jump back in too soon is how I wound up with bronchitis.

Second; I’ve gotten a lot done when I stop to look at it. In the month since I got sick, I did 37 paintings. I started seeds, planted them, and am now watching them grow into sturdy little plants in my garden. I’ve cooked dinners, lunches, hundreds of cookies, and even tried out that dalgona coffee fad (it didn’t work as planned). I’ve laundered all our linens a few times, changed out my seasonal clothes, redesigned my office, and got my sewing machine up and running for the first time in 15 years. My dog has enjoyed long, indulgent daily walks and has even started to learn not to bark in the yard.

I’ve been productive, but I needed to stop and really examine how I spent my time to see that. The things I’ve been doing have been fulfilling and practical, but they haven’t directly contributed to my career so I looked at them as “unproductive.” A month into this, I’ve realized that that perspective is bullshit. Being productive isn’t limited to career growth and a lot of the “productive” things I started working on before the tornado and getting sick don’t make sense any more. Now’s not the time to book the tour I had started researching in late February, nor was last week a good time to start streaming when I was still coughing and running out of breath. Everything has it’s time, including being still and slow.

I often feel like for my creativity to mean something, it has to be channeled the “right” way. It must be directed into songwriting or album art or a merch print. But it doesn’t.

It brings me as much joy at the moment to experiment with a new recipe as it does to work on album art, and I’m down for anything that can bring joy into my life right now. Creativity is everywhere and the energy that drives it isn’t always going to be a song or a perfect painting. Sometimes the simpler, more practical applications of creativity are what you need.

Druidry has a concept called Awen, the spirit of creation that flows through the world and is the source of inspiration for artists and poets. Right now, it’s important to remember that the same energy of creation that drives a flower to grow also inspires us to write or make art or cook a great dinner or clean a room. Finding Awen or inspiration in these smaller, simpler things is beautiful - especially when it feels like all we can really do is take it one day at a time right now.

But don’t worry, still planning an album release. Just rethinking and taking my time!

Stay well, and live slow if you’re able!